While I Wait...

Psalm 62:5 - “My soul, wait thou only upon God;

For my expectation is from Him.”

I remember driving down I-16 in my Ford Explorer, on a warm, sunny afternoon in May. The sun was just at that perfectly torturous spot to blind any driver late in the afternoon. My children were either sleeping or were playing on their iPads in the back of the vehicle. (Thank God for the “electronic babysitter” on that particular day.) We were on our way home from spending some time shopping and having lunch with my mom and sister about an hour away from home. My time with family was a blessing and temporary distraction but did nothing to soothe my spirits.

It was a very dark time in our lives. My husband and I were separated. I was beginning to feel like loving him and waiting for him was literally going to rip me apart. As I drove down the interstate, that same old desperation and fear welled up again. My heart was shattered, and my mind was swirling with the strain of the past few months. Everything in my life felt so hollow and bleak. I couldn't imagine any good every coming out of this. The future that was stretched out before me, in my mind, was looking so lonely and unbearable. Hot tears were rolling down my cheeks, out from underneath my sunglasses and dripping off my chin. I can clearly recall a very raw conversation I was having with the Lord in my soul on that ride home. I kept saying, “How long am I supposed to wait??? How long do I pray for him to come home? Or how long until You take this love away and give me the peace to let go of this marriage? God, why do I feel that I need to wait? This doesn't seem fair to ME! I don’t even respect MYSELF at this point!”

Pretty self-centered, huh? I’m just being honest here, because this is right where I was. I’m sure you are reading these thoughts and the emotions behind them, and you are thinking what a weak, worldly-minded, whiny woman I was! And, yeah, you’re right! I was spiritually beaten down, and not the model of a good soldier for Christ. But you know what? It sure is good to be able to be that transparent and honest with the Lord. He already knew exactly how I felt, so I was safe to lay all that out for Him. He’s a big God and He can handle the tough stuff. I think we often forget that!

Now, I’m not one that claims to hear God’s booming audible voice. I can only think of a few times in my life when I can say that God “spoke” to me personally in such a clear and direct way. But I will not forget that afternoon as I poured my complaints and pain out on the Lord, how real He became to me. I promise you, if He had taken on bodily form and climbed into that passenger seat next to me and held my hand, He wouldn’t have been any more real than He was when He spoke to my exhausted little soul that day. The Lord’s exact words to me were… “I’m not asking you to wait on him- or this or that- anymore. I’m just asking you to wait on ME. Can you do that?”

Wow. I was immediately brought back to the feet of the Savior and felt such a peace wash over me. I hadn’t been looking at this all wrong, and I could see that now. The change in me was immediate. I was having a personal Lamentations 3:18-26 moment with the Father.

I can remember how quickly my eyes dried up, and my spirits lifted. It was a freeing sensation, as if I’d dropped my shackles, walked out of a dark prison cell and back into the light of day. I was thanking Him and worshipping Him for what He wanted to do in my distress. I had no clue what that would look like! But that didn’t matter, because as soon as I allowed my view to line back up with my loving Father’s view… I knew all would be well, one way or the other. Changing that focus from horizontal to vertical was all I needed. I wasn’t waiting anymore for what I thought God should do, and what I kept telling Him needed to happen. (Yes, I can be a bit bossy.) I was now clinging to the peace in knowing that His ways were always better than mine. I placed the “control” back in His capable hands and removed that burden from my shoulders. I could now allow my expectations to be fulfilled in His perfect plan for my life. Read that verse up there again.

Sometimes, when our trials overtake us, we tend to get a sideways view of our circumstances. A bad day, an upsetting conversation, a disappointing doctor’s visit... These misdirections can lead us into faulty thought patterns, unnecessary emotional and mental anguish, and even hurtful, impulsive decisions on occasion. Because as we look at things with an incorrect perception, we step away from a Biblical view and tend to let Satan have a foothold in our mind. This is an uneasy and dangerous place to be, especially if you are in the middle of the “storm of the century” in your life. If a Christian doesn’t see the signs and correct their view immediately, they can swiftly slide further away from the Lord and create an even bigger mess than they can fathom.

Waiting on God can be one of the most difficult things to do, because usually waiting accompanies stress and trials. When situations make us want to leap into action and take charge, waiting can seem so cruel. Maybe that’s why the Bible so often reminds us to WAIT ON THE LORD. He knew we wouldn’t find that to be our natural response in a crisis. I wish I could tell you that I have become God’s most patient daughter, but I laugh even as I type the words, and I’m pretty sure the Lord is chuckling right along with me!

Here are a few benefits that God desires us to enjoy in the waiting. How do I know this? Because these truths are attached to verses regarding the act of waiting on the Lord. He says to wait… and then He gives a reward for doing so or adds a little instruction on how to do so.

STRENGTH & COURAGE:

Isaiah 40:31 - “But they that wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

Psalm 27:14 - “Wait on the LORD: Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart:

wait, I say, on the LORD.

When we choose to wait on what God wants to accomplish, and when we throw in that “good courage,” we will find a God-given strength to carry us through. That “good courage” is just keeping a good outlook and keeping the faith with a meek spirit when we would rather get busy trying to bring about our own results. And then once more, the verse reminds us… WAIT ON THE LORD. I think the psalmist knew how tempted we are not to wait as we should.

ANSWERED PRAYERS & DELIVERANCE:

Psalm 40:1-2 - “I waited patiently for the LORD: And He inclined unto me, and heard my cry.

He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay,

And set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.”

Proverbs 20:22 - “Say not thou, I will recompense evil;

But wait on the LORD, and He shall save thee.”

I can’t speak for you, but I would much rather allow God to deliver me, restore me, establish me, heal me, and even avenge me if needed. It’s very rare that God has answered any prayer the way I assumed He would answer it. He always brought the means by a very different method than I would have imagined. That’s because His ways aren’t mine. Thank God they aren’t! His ways are far BETTER.

There are situations that we all face in life where someone has done us wrong. But if I try to administer the punishments, I would probably be acting from a sinful or fleshly desire to see that person “pay” for what they said or did. It’s a huge comfort to know that our God is not blind to the circumstances and He knows what needs to be accomplished or corrected. We can trust Him to bring about the very best for the situations. We don’t have to be judge, jury and executioner. So sit back and look up, sweet friend. WAIT ON THE LORD.

Micah 7:7 - “Therefore I will LOOK unto the Lord;

I will WAIT for the God of my salvation:

my God will hear me.

Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy:

when I fall, I shall arise;

when I sit in darkness,

the LORD shall be a light unto me.”